Why I Haven’t Gotten a Hand Job from My Partner in a Long Time

I can’t say that I love hand jobs because I don’t, and neither does my partner. In fact, I haven’t had manual service on my penis in a very long time. But there’s actually a good reason for that, and it’s probably not what you think.

What happened to my awesome handjobs?

It all started back a few years ago when I was first dating my current partner. We would go to the movies and sit close to each other in a dark room. That kind of ambience always set my libido into overdrive, so we’d ultimately end up making out like two school kids late for church.

Since we couldn’t have sex in the theater, and since I still lived with a sloppy roommate, we had to get creative about getting it on. So, we’d do some heavy petting in between action scenes and rub a few out before the end of the movie. It was like Netflix and chill before all the convenience.

After a while, though, that kind of stuff got old. We both wanted more, but we didn’t want to lose the school-age passion we were feeling for one another. That’s when we began experimenting with different techniques and approaches. Over time, we developed our own repertoire.

However, much of that repertoire involved hand jobs at first until I got honest with my partner. As it turned out, she didn’t like it any more than I did. So, we discovered that we’d both been living a lie and that’s how this story unfolds. Through honesty and openness, we developed a much more satisfying sex life that still includes the passion but not all the manual stimulation.

Why my partner hasn’t given me a hand job in a while

From that story, you’re probably assuming that my partner never touches my dick at all anymore. Either that, or you think she just gives me blow jobs all the time. Neither one of those theories is true. It’s actually much more interesting than that.

To understand why my partner no longer gives me hand jobs, you have to know the back story. So, while you got a little taste up above, this is how it all breaks down. Truth be told, these are the four reasons why my partner stopped giving me manual pleasure:

#1. She’s not a big fan of hand jobs in general

I love my partner, don’t get me wrong. But she couldn’t give a decent hand job if there was a gun to her head. Instead of stroking it, she goes about poking it. Instead of rubbing it, she sets out tugging it. I can’t catch a break, which is pretty awful when you need a quick fix from a loving hand (other than your own).

All of this told me one thing: my partner hates touching my junk. She denies thinking it looks like a baby bird falling out of its ungroomed nest, but we both know the truth. And even if I primp my penis like it’s going to prom, she still doesn’t enjoy jerking it for me. I guess it has something to do with her arm muscles and lack of physical endurance, so I can sort of understand.

FUN FACT: I’m not trying to brag, but I have the stamina of a thoroughbred racehorse.

#2. I don’t like it very much either.

Like I said, my partner isn’t very good at giving handouts if you know what I mean. She keeps all the good stuff locked between her legs, so I won’t mess up a good thing by looking for mediocre relief from someone else. Thus, I’m not a big fan of her hand jobs and she’s well aware of that now. In fact, I think that’s the only thing we’ve agreed on since we first started dating.

Either way, I don’t like my partner doing things that they don’t like doing. In my eyes, a relationship is about mutual respect. So, I shouldn’t be forcing my bae to bat my balls if she’s not into it. And since we already know she’s not, we just concluded that this is how it’s going to be. BJ or bust. It’s usually bust.

#3. We used the wrong tools and techniques for too long.

Having said all that, I think I should point out that neither my partner nor I were sex experts when we met. Instead, we were two young lovers experimenting with different tools, techniques, sensations, and roles. The stuff we did in the beginning was lame AF now that we look back. Believe it or not, we didn’t even use lube the first few times we fooled around.

So, maybe that gave us both a sour taste in our mouth about hand jobs in general. Perhaps it made us believe that the pleasure was literally out of our hands. If that seems ridiculous, stick around. It was in that moment that we realized the answer to our problem. My partner still hasn’t given me a manual hand job, though. So, how is that possible?

#4. We decided to start using hand job machines instead.

The last reason my partner stopped giving me hand jobs is because she no longer has to. At the same time, I no longer have to go without the kinks and pleasure I enjoy so much. We can revisit our old stomping grounds, watch movies in our favorite theaters, and fool around no matter where we go thanks to high-tech handjob machines with interactive features.

Did you know that you can perform various sex acts on a partner from miles away? Neither did we until we started exploring the sex toy market. Back when we met, you had to be face-to-face to get it on. Now, you can hook up virtual reality via Bluetooth and enjoy a hand-free hand job if you can imagine such a thing. There are even some devices that use motion sensors to support real-time experiences.

The rest is history

My partner and I no longer argue about who’s going down on who, and that’s because we’ve embraced the sextech revolution with both hands. Hand job machines are perhaps the single-most couples-friendly sex toy on the modern market in our humble opinions. Since we started using them instead of our palms, the sex has gotten better, the bond has gotten tighter, and the movies have gotten shorter.

Meanwhile, I’ve been able to experience some of the most intense orgasms of my life – some of them nothing short of a miracle. That’s a sensation I’d never expect from a handy, and I probably wouldn’t have ever felt it had it not been for the machines in my lap. So, the next time your partner complains about their arms hurting from jerking you off, just give them a hand job machine and get ready for the show.

How to improve your no-hands hand job

If this exercise taught me anything, it’s that I don’t have to settle for second best. Just because I enjoy having my dick touched doesn’t mean I have to beg my partner. And just because my partner prefers not to use her hands doesn’t mean she has to say “no” all the time. We’ve finally found a way to compromise on that, although we don’t agree on much more.

However, we both think that these 5 tips are the best ways to improve the experience as a whole, especially if you’re done using your bare hands for pleasure:

Use an enhanced lubricant.

There are several different types of lubricants out there, but they’re not all made the same. Some have enhanced ingredients to help improve the user’s sensations. Look for tingling, heating, or cooling lubes for better play. And if you’re using a hand job machine, be sure the formulation is compatible with the device’s material.

Check the dimensions.

These machines are as unique as you, so don’t go into this with a “one-size-fits-all” mindset. Instead, do some damage control by measuring your erect penis. Then, compare those numbers to the toy’s insertion point and penile canal. If you don’t think it will fit, try something else. There are machines for every shape and size, plus a little lubrication can go a long way with these things.

Pair it with another toy.

If you’re smart, you’ll get a hand job machine that’s interactive or compatible with another device. Many brands make entire inventories to coordinate, and there are even some cross-over options as well. My partner and I love this stuff because we’re not always in the same location when the mood strikes. It helps prevent temptation, infidelity, loneliness, and blue balls all at once.

Experiment with the features.

You don’t have to be intimidated by sex toys just because they’re penis-hungry robots. Most of the time, they’re built with beginners in mind, with high-tech and intuitive settings that are easy to learn. I suggest trying a few new things but always keeping the party at a reasonable rate to prevent injury or accidents.

Learn your body’s behavior.

Once you know what you like, it’s easier to weed out the stuff you don’t. For example, I enjoy suction but prefer air pressure over traditional vibrations. So, I steer clear of certain devices and opt for specific models instead. However, I’m always open to new things because that’s how I got here in the first place.

BONUS TIP: Keep it clean. That way, it always works the way it’s supposed to when you’re ready to go.

The money shot

This is not a drill. My partner hasn’t given me a hand job in a very long time, and it has changed our sex life forever. Don’t be like us. Make boss moves before you’re forced to learn the hard way.

How to Give a Killer Hand Job (Even If You Hate It)

Your partner wants to release some tension, but you don’t have time for sex. You could always whip out the sex toys, but those take preparation and waiting will kill his boner. So, what do you do? Well, there are only two answers: a blowjob or a hand job. Take your pick.

Blowjob VS hand job

A blowjob, which is just another term for oral sex or fellatio, requires lots of lip service and a moderate tolerance for unpleasant tastes and smells. Contrarily, a hand job requires far fewer body parts and a lot less self-control. There’s no gagging, no scraping, and no swallowing involved. In fact, the worst thing about it is a slight muscle cramp in your arm. Thus, hand jobs are a go-to technique for delivering fast, customizable pleasure to a partner or to yourself.

But despite the name this is not an occupation, although it will keep you and your hands occupied for at least a few minutes. A hand job is a form of manual sexual pleasure that takes a miniscule amount of physical fitness. When done on your own, it’s just called masturbation. Hand jobs produce moderately gratifying sensations that ultimately result in an orgasm and ejaculation. However, because it involves so much hands-on power, there’s a lot of strategy and endurance involved.

FUN FACT: Did you know that most partners say they hate giving manual pleasure because it takes so long to reach climax?

Why hand stimulation isn’t the greatest

While nothing can beat the real thing with a partner you crave, quick hand jobs can still serve a purpose. Aside from how long it can take to get your partner off, though, there’s a reason why people don’t rely solely on hand stimulation for sexual gratification. In fact, here are the top three excuses partners give when refusing the sport:

  • Dullness – It doesn’t produce the intense sensations of oral sex or intercourse, especially if there’s no skill involved and/or no sex toys used.
  • Potential Injury – You could hurt yourself or your partner if you’re not careful with your motions or if you neglect to use enough lubrication.
  • Difficulty – Learning how to give a good handy isn’t always easy and every man likes it different, so multiple techniques are often needed to provide an adequate release.

The good news is that all three of those excuses have multiple solutions. So, you can actually give and/or receive satisfying manual pleasure without having to beat off into oblivion or increase the stakes. Here’s what you need to know.

How to give a hand job like a pro

First things first, understand that giving good hand service takes practice. So, have patience with yourself and your partner, especially as you begin to learn each other’s bodies. Next, don’t forget about the importance of lubrication. Remember, the human body doesn’t always make its own but dry rubbing a penis can feel like torture.

Also, don’t forget about pubic hair and its effects on penile sensitivity. If you can get your partner to shave, do it. That way, they’ll feel more of your touches and prevent you snagging their hairs on accident as well. Meanwhile, understand that all crotches as different. So, respect the fact that some people are growers and others are showers. Do not make a big deal about the size or shape of your partner’s flaccid pole.

Case in point: an uncircumcised penis. It has all the same nerve endings as a circumcised penis and even reacts the same to stimulation. However, there may be a few extra steps involved because of the additional foreskin. Do yourselves a favor and keep the area as clean as possible, especially if you plan on having sex later. Contrary to popular belief, even dirty manual stimulation can cause major problems if there’s open skin or bacteria present.

5 ways to make your hand jobs more acceptable

Once you’ve mastered the basics and equipped yourself with something other than saliva or body lotion, you can then start the show. These are the 5 techniques that porn stars and high-performance partners use to satiate their lovers’ sexual appetites by hand:

#1. Learn about Penile Anatomy

Much like reflexology, you can learn how to pinpoint specific parts of the penis to generate an immediate result. For instance, the frenulum (or tip) of the penis is just as sensitive as the female clitoris. At the same time, a man’s balls are always delicate, and their shafts can feel ticklish too. So, teach yourself how and where to touch for a most satisfying experience.

#2. Work on Your Grip

You can actually hurt your partner or prevent them from reaching climax if you don’t grip the penis correctly. There’s too tight and then there’s also not tight enough. This technique takes practice and familiarity with your partner. So, pump up the volume or pump the brakes according to your lover’s reactions. If you’re curious how they feel about your methods, just ask.

#3. Give a Gentle Genital Massage

Sensual massages help both partners get in the mood. They can increase anticipation, heighten senses, and enhance the physical or emotional bone between partners. Genital massages also feel amazing and allow the giver to admire their partner’s form while it receives pleasure. Then, when it’s time to touchdown, ejaculation happens much quicker and feels more intense.

#4. Try Out Some Enhanced Lube

Your choice of personal lubricants can play a significant role in how good your hand jobs feel. That’s because some lubes are fortified with sensation-boosting ingredients. There are tinglers, coolers, warmers, and even flavored varieties to explore. Best of all, the good ones are long-lasting and helpful to the skin, plus they can be used alongside your favorite sex toys if the compositions match.

#5. Bring on the Sex Toys for Men

One bad thing about hand jobs is that they can make your arm muscle ache. When that happens, your technique is sure to suffer the consequences. The poor sap that’s under your palms is then subject to the decline and that’s not fair. So, don’t let your physical fitness get in the way of a good O-face. If all else fails, whip out of the male sex toys and let them finish the job instead.

Tips for picking out sex toys for hand jobs

Already know you’re not in the mood for a workout? You and most other people feel the same way. Hands-on sexual affection between two consenting partners is a good thing no matter how you serve it up, but sex toys can make a big difference in how willing everyone is to participate. So, use these simple tips to guide your hand and boost your abilities:

  • Pay attention to the size because not all sex toys are made the same so some might not fit your partner’s penis.
  • Mind the materials. That way, nobody has to worry about allergic reactions, skin rashes, or product breakdown should you incorporate pleasure products into the mix.
  • Consider the functionality to find something that will actually do what you want it to do, which is get your partner off as smoothly as possible.
  • Look for couples-friendly features. Then, expand your horizons by trying new things together like simultaneous masturbation or long-distance play.
  • Find something that’s affordable. After all, you don’t even know if your partner will like how the device feels once it touches his dick. Don’t commit too soon.
  • Try disposable sex toys. When you can’t figure out what to do but know you need some help, reach for one-time-use products like TENGA Eggs and disposable cock rings.

As unrelated as it sounds, you must always remember the story of the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race. In other words, don’t rush it even if you hate it because your partner’s orgasm is at stake. Instead, branch out and try new things like someone who cares.

The takeaway

You can’t give adequate sexual pleasure to a partner if you don’t know what you’re doing. And regardless of how you feel about certain sex acts, it’s your duty to at least try to accommodate your lover’s desires. So, if they request a hand job every now and then, try to oblige with skill and precision. Use proven techniques and state-of-the-art sex toys to get the “job” done right.

Hand Job Advice Intro

Welcome to the hub of hand jobs, where we unapologetically discuss everything that has to do with jerking off. Admit it. You’ve been looking for a place like this since you first discovered your genitals. We all have.

The thing about hand jobs is that they’re great but nobody ever talks about them. I mentioned it once at a family bar-be-que and my mother about had a heart attack. Meanwhile, my father looked like he was pretty interested, so I knew there was an audience somewhere. Most people are left to figure out how to do “manual labor” on their own. But I think I’ve cracked the code.

Why you need hand job advice

None of us are natural born sex professionals. In fact, most people don’t even know what an orgasm is until their 20s, and even then they have no clue what to do with it. Human sexual climax is still shrouded in mystery, and so too are the things that get us there. But if we take a closer look at our erotic behaviors, it’s obvious that we’ve all been settling for much less than we deserve.

Instead of attacking the problem at its root, we skate around it with blue-balled excuses. We shift the blame to something other than ourselves, cleverly covering up the fact that we just need some advice. Everyone thinks they know how to give a great hand job, but if that were the case, then nobody would have ever asked for more. You’re not a pro at this unless you can satisfy yourself or a partner with little else.

Apparently, there’s always something missing when we manually stimulate ourselves or others. People even refer to hand jobs as pathetic wastes of time performed by single losers in their grandmother’s basement. Such is not the case, though. In fact, a good old-fashioned 5-finger fist bump does the body good. And sometimes, the only missing component is skill.

What is a hand job?

Factoid number one: hand jobs are one of the most common sex acts performed by individuals and couples all over the world. Factoid number two: they’re also one of the very first types of sensual interaction recorded between mammals. In other words, we have a natural propensity for the Baltimore Handshake and that’s okay. People need to know what this is, why it’s important, and how it’s done because we won’t stop touching ourselves. They can’t make us.

The act of honor, sometimes called “jerking off,” is defined as giving and/or receiving manual stimulation to the genitals. It’s not a complex activity in theory, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all deal either. Because every person is different, there are countless techniques that have been developed over the years. However, the only ones that work for everyone across the board are the ones with these 3 elements:

#1. A Tailored Technique

All good manual labor starts with a proven method and ends with a satisfying final product. It’s all about efficiency and productivity in this game, as un-sexy as that sounds. We’re talking about the mechanics of the human body here, so don’t shy away from anatomical knowledge and tips about psychology. After all, there’s more to the hammy-jammy than just touching your junk.

I have the tips, tricks, and techniques to make you and/or a lover feel like an All State Commercial.

#2. The Appropriate Supplies

No matter what techniques you know, the hand jobs you give (or get) will be terrible (and probably painful) if you don’t use the right supplies. So, while most people know the difference between lubrication and spit, many don’t realize that certain lubes can make matters worse. Plus, there are now hand job machines designed specifically to take manual labor completely out of the equation.

I know which pleasure products work best and which ones are just a bunch of hype.

#3. Some Enthusiastic Hands

According to common sense, most people don’t want an apathetic hand job no matter how hot the other person is. They want their junk cradled in some cool, calm, and confident hands. Their partners need to know what’s going on and how to make magic happen. Or at the very least, they need to be open to learning or trying new things. Debauchery is a delicate dance between passionate urges and poised approaches.

I can point you in the right direction if your love life is lacking or if your hands have started to hurt.

We you expertly apply all three essential elements you get nothing short of a decent experience. And considering you can’t always have sex whenever you want to, knowing how to give a proper sloppy Joe comes in…well, handy.

The benefits of giving and getting better hand jobs

You could always settle for whatever comes your way and take pathetic hand jobs for the rest of your life. Or you could step your game up and reap the benefits. I know what the rest of us are doing. And here’s what we’re getting out of it:

#1. More Intense Orgasms

Expertly executed thug tugs can produce mind-blowing orgasms, believe it or not. So, don’t get stuck thinking that they’re all supposed to feel like they did back in high school. That’s a mind trick played on you by those who know the truth. Welcome to the erotic elite.

#2. Fantasy Fulfillment

Giving your partner’s genitals a firm handshake may be just what they’ve always wanted. Manual stimulation allows for lots of creativity, including things that may not be possible during oral sex or intercourse. Try not to box yourself in with thoughts of hair palms only.

#3. Better Foreplay Options

When you can be nastier in the sack, you can also become more satisfying to yourself and others. Hand jobs help you and your partners get the party started and, if you do it right, may help you with the grand finale as well. Put simply, doing the hand-jive before humping may cause a bigger explosion.

#4. Improved Health

Did you know that doctors link ejaculation frequency with prostate and heart health? That means you can actually improve your physical fitness every time you choke the chicken. Over time, jerking off might also help you last longer in bed and can even reduce the occurrence of erectile dysfunction in some men.

#5. Enhanced Intimacy

Nothing brings two (or more) people together quite like some enjoyable, rewarding sex. So, doing things that make foreplay and intercourse more satisfying can only help couples build intimacy in their relationship. And in a world where everything is trying to tear people apart, that’s the same as having a sexual superpower.

The sum of all things

Giving and receiving better hand jobs means a lot more than most people think. It establishes the mood, creates a motive, and paves the way for opportunities galore. It feels great, gives partners more power, and generates bodily functions that support good health and prolonged happiness. I don’t mean to sound scientific here, but whoa.

That’s why polishing the sausage is so important in any intimate relationships, and that’s also why you need this advice whether you like to admit it or not. Nobody expects you to know everything or learn this stuff by osmosis. But they probably do expect you to take a more proactive approach to sexual gratification by using some of my best tips, tricks, tools, and techniques.

You’re welcome. Cum on in.