Hand Job Advice Intro

Welcome to the hub of hand jobs, where we unapologetically discuss everything that has to do with jerking off. Admit it. You’ve been looking for a place like this since you first discovered your genitals. We all have.

The thing about hand jobs is that they’re great but nobody ever talks about them. I mentioned it once at a family bar-be-que and my mother about had a heart attack. Meanwhile, my father looked like he was pretty interested, so I knew there was an audience somewhere. Most people are left to figure out how to do “manual labor” on their own. But I think I’ve cracked the code.

Why you need hand job advice

None of us are natural born sex professionals. In fact, most people don’t even know what an orgasm is until their 20s, and even then they have no clue what to do with it. Human sexual climax is still shrouded in mystery, and so too are the things that get us there. But if we take a closer look at our erotic behaviors, it’s obvious that we’ve all been settling for much less than we deserve.

Instead of attacking the problem at its root, we skate around it with blue-balled excuses. We shift the blame to something other than ourselves, cleverly covering up the fact that we just need some advice. Everyone thinks they know how to give a great hand job, but if that were the case, then nobody would have ever asked for more. You’re not a pro at this unless you can satisfy yourself or a partner with little else.

Apparently, there’s always something missing when we manually stimulate ourselves or others. People even refer to hand jobs as pathetic wastes of time performed by single losers in their grandmother’s basement. Such is not the case, though. In fact, a good old-fashioned 5-finger fist bump does the body good. And sometimes, the only missing component is skill.

What is a hand job?

Factoid number one: hand jobs are one of the most common sex acts performed by individuals and couples all over the world. Factoid number two: they’re also one of the very first types of sensual interaction recorded between mammals. In other words, we have a natural propensity for the Baltimore Handshake and that’s okay. People need to know what this is, why it’s important, and how it’s done because we won’t stop touching ourselves. They can’t make us.

The act of honor, sometimes called “jerking off,” is defined as giving and/or receiving manual stimulation to the genitals. It’s not a complex activity in theory, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all deal either. Because every person is different, there are countless techniques that have been developed over the years. However, the only ones that work for everyone across the board are the ones with these 3 elements:

#1. A Tailored Technique

All good manual labor starts with a proven method and ends with a satisfying final product. It’s all about efficiency and productivity in this game, as un-sexy as that sounds. We’re talking about the mechanics of the human body here, so don’t shy away from anatomical knowledge and tips about psychology. After all, there’s more to the hammy-jammy than just touching your junk.

I have the tips, tricks, and techniques to make you and/or a lover feel like an All State Commercial.

#2. The Appropriate Supplies

No matter what techniques you know, the hand jobs you give (or get) will be terrible (and probably painful) if you don’t use the right supplies. So, while most people know the difference between lubrication and spit, many don’t realize that certain lubes can make matters worse. Plus, there are now hand job machines designed specifically to take manual labor completely out of the equation.

I know which pleasure products work best and which ones are just a bunch of hype.

#3. Some Enthusiastic Hands

According to common sense, most people don’t want an apathetic hand job no matter how hot the other person is. They want their junk cradled in some cool, calm, and confident hands. Their partners need to know what’s going on and how to make magic happen. Or at the very least, they need to be open to learning or trying new things. Debauchery is a delicate dance between passionate urges and poised approaches.

I can point you in the right direction if your love life is lacking or if your hands have started to hurt.

We you expertly apply all three essential elements you get nothing short of a decent experience. And considering you can’t always have sex whenever you want to, knowing how to give a proper sloppy Joe comes in…well, handy.

The benefits of giving and getting better hand jobs

You could always settle for whatever comes your way and take pathetic hand jobs for the rest of your life. Or you could step your game up and reap the benefits. I know what the rest of us are doing. And here’s what we’re getting out of it:

#1. More Intense Orgasms

Expertly executed thug tugs can produce mind-blowing orgasms, believe it or not. So, don’t get stuck thinking that they’re all supposed to feel like they did back in high school. That’s a mind trick played on you by those who know the truth. Welcome to the erotic elite.

#2. Fantasy Fulfillment

Giving your partner’s genitals a firm handshake may be just what they’ve always wanted. Manual stimulation allows for lots of creativity, including things that may not be possible during oral sex or intercourse. Try not to box yourself in with thoughts of hair palms only.

#3. Better Foreplay Options

When you can be nastier in the sack, you can also become more satisfying to yourself and others. Hand jobs help you and your partners get the party started and, if you do it right, may help you with the grand finale as well. Put simply, doing the hand-jive before humping may cause a bigger explosion.

#4. Improved Health

Did you know that doctors link ejaculation frequency with prostate and heart health? That means you can actually improve your physical fitness every time you choke the chicken. Over time, jerking off might also help you last longer in bed and can even reduce the occurrence of erectile dysfunction in some men.

#5. Enhanced Intimacy

Nothing brings two (or more) people together quite like some enjoyable, rewarding sex. So, doing things that make foreplay and intercourse more satisfying can only help couples build intimacy in their relationship. And in a world where everything is trying to tear people apart, that’s the same as having a sexual superpower.

The sum of all things

Giving and receiving better hand jobs means a lot more than most people think. It establishes the mood, creates a motive, and paves the way for opportunities galore. It feels great, gives partners more power, and generates bodily functions that support good health and prolonged happiness. I don’t mean to sound scientific here, but whoa.

That’s why polishing the sausage is so important in any intimate relationships, and that’s also why you need this advice whether you like to admit it or not. Nobody expects you to know everything or learn this stuff by osmosis. But they probably do expect you to take a more proactive approach to sexual gratification by using some of my best tips, tricks, tools, and techniques.

You’re welcome. Cum on in.

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